Check Yourself, Before You Wreck Yourself
It’s funny how life triggers you sometimes. How it can almost stun you. Stop you in your motivational tracks. How it tests you.
I believe in me, I really do.
I’ve just never dreamed so big before and truly believed I would get there. Truly believed that I would make it happen. I merely hoped and wished it would fall into my lap. That someone I met would hear my stories and have a step-by-step guide for me to build my dream life guaranteed.
Turns out, that’s not how life works. Who knew, right?
Turns out you have to not only believe in yourself but back yourself. Even if no one else does. In fact, even more so when no one else does.
You are the only one that can get your butt to do the work every day. You are the only one that can make your dreams happen. (Don’t mind me, just talking to myself over here)
It’s really hard sometimes. On the days when it’s gloomy outside and you just want to sit on the couch all day watching Gilmore Girls and drink excessive amounts of coffee (because how does one not drink excessive amounts of coffee while watching Gilmore Girls). You convince yourself that you’ve “earned” a chill day. That you won’t be productive in this state anyway. You’ll just get back to it tomorrow. You’ll do it for twice as long.
It doesn’t work that way. Well, it can, but you really need to think hard on what the dream life version of you would do. Would she maybe just watch half a day of Gilmore Girls and then crush her afternoon instead?
Let’s get real, the dream (for me) is to build a life where I can watch all the Gilmore Girls that I want, from a beach, in Fiji. But dream life Steph has also built a life for herself that she’s proud of, a life that lights her up.
Full disclosure, I spent the day watching Gilmore Girls today and I feel shitty about it. I was not discerning in that decision. I let my emotions get the best of me. When what I should have done is snap the fuck out of it and do what I said I was going to do. No one but me will.
It would be easier to just not, but that’s not who I want to be. Not anymore. I want to be an action taker. Not just a dreamer. Not just someone who collects information and plans to put it to use one day. But someone who takes action and then figures out the rest later. Someone who learns from her own doings, not just other peoples’.
Someone who really believes she can fucking do it. She can have the dream she always dreamed of. She can have it all. And she proves it by making it happen.
I am becoming and acting as that girl.
A woman who will no longer sacrifice who she is for others happiness.
A woman who leads by example.
A woman people are drawn to.
A woman people are inspired by.
A woman who makes a difference.
A woman who is madly in love with herself. Through and through.
I am the motherfreaking leading lady of my own life.
I am motherfreaking grateful for my life. Every part of it.
Have things turned out exactly how I always thought they would? Not exactly.
But, in a lot of ways, they’ve turned out better.
“Now, when you’re down there in the hole, it looks like failure. When that moment comes, it’s okay to feel bad for a little while. Give yourself time to mourn what you think you may have lost. But then, here’s the key: Learn from every mistake, because every experience, particularly your mistakes, are there to teach you and force you into being more who you are.”Oprah
Lessons Learned From Rory Gilmore
I’ve never really realized how much I hadn’t said goodbye to 18-year-old Stephanie. How much I still carry her with me. Think Rory Gilmore at Princeton dreaming of become an international journalist vibes. How disappointed I was deep down that I failed to make that happen.
Turns out, I didn’t fail.
Life showed up and I answered. And I would not be who I am today if I hadn’t.
I showed up in the way that seemed the best for me at that moment and I was rewarded with amazing memories, amazing people, and an amazing life.
I CHOOSE to view my life and myself as a success.
Do I feel like I did the “best I could” at every turn? Mmmmmmm no. But, it’s easy to feel that way in hindsight.
Of course, you didn’t do your best, you weren’t living your best. But, sometimes it is just about making it through a day and making the next day a better day. Sometimes it’s just about not being stubborn, learning the lesson, and then waking the fuck up.
Waking up to who you are and who you’ve always been deep down. It’s taken me years to be proud of everything I’ve done. I’ve lived a really full life.
And I did it for me.
I’ve taken hard looks in the mirror and adjusted my path. I’ve been the mirror for others who have needed it. I’ve tried my best to be a good person. To be supportive. To be kind. To be compassionate. To be understanding.
I understand now what I didn’t understand then. I did the best I could do, with who I was and what I was going through. Why am I so sure?
Because everything I did has gotten me here. I’m not sure how many times I’ll need to remind myself to be grateful for every version of me I’ve ever been but I am. And, I’ll keep reminding myself.
I don’t want to sleep through my life anymore. That would be the easy thing to do.
To wake up, and just bask in the life of a couch potato. That seems easier right?
Naw. I’m not built that way. I’ve got things to say and people to say it to. I believe everything up until now has been in anticipation of this moment. Of this dream.
I’m leveling up. I am committing to me and my dreams.
I am living my dream. It is already here. I can feel it.
I am a magnet for everything I’ve ever wanted.
your mission (should you choose to accept it) is to live your damn life
It’s not all going to be easy. But it also doesn’t all have to be so hard. Your main job in life is to live it. To embrace every moment to the fullest. To breathe it in. To pause.
No more mourning the versions of you that you’ve lost. Don’t worry, they’re still in there somewhere. They didn’t let you down. You didn’t let life down. You just chose to make new rules for your life outside of the expectations you had originally set for yourself.
You can make the rules. You can break the rules. Strive to break the rules in fact.
Being you is always enough and that’s that.
You are worthy of all of your dreams. You are worthy of your vision, of the life that you envision.
The only one that can hold you back is you. The only one that will be to blame is you. You are the motherfreaking leading lady of your own life. You are literally staring in your own rom-com.
Shed those layers and re-emerge as the woman you have always wanted to be.
Who do I think I am?
So who the fack do I think I am to want all these things? To expect all of these things for my life? I am motherfreaking Stephanie Laforest, that’s who. World traveller, dream seeker, and overall lover of things lovey. Embracer of love and light. Dealer of sarcastic comments and swear words. Daughter, sister, friend, partner, and dog mom. The climber of mountains. The guru of caffeination and literary adoration.
I am unavailable to be anything but absolutely in love with all of me.
I am unavailable to be anything but self-compassionate.
I am unavailable to not be discerning.
I am unavailable to not live my dream.
I am unavailable to not live my purpose.
I am unavailable to not have my dream tribe.
I am unavailable to not show up for myself.
I am unavailable to be anything but me.
I am unavailable to not grow everyday.
Life is a sequence of moments that you can either choose to take on with grace and understanding. Or…you know…not.
To live intentionally everyday. Every moment.
So, what’s it going to be?
Life is the adventure, you can define it however you’d like.