Behind The Quill

Nothing is Ever Going to Change Unless You Do

July 6, 2019

I haven’t always felt so at home in my own skin.

There were a lot of years where I felt like I was playing a character. And, looking back, it’s pretty evident that I was.

I didn’t know who I wanted to be really and was crippled by the fear of “missing out” on life.

That is still, in part, what drives me every day to grow, to be curious, and to challenge myself to more. 

I sincerely feel like it is my responsibility to do as much as I possibly can with this life.

However, I have been conflicted about what that means. 

Does it mean making the greatest impact on the world? Does it mean seeing the world? Does it mean creating great things?

For a long time, I thought it was all of these things and was crippled by the daunting task of “being great” and of “achieving greatness”.

What I feel is true at this moment, for me, is that yes, truly great people do all of these things, but they do not do them all at once. They started from zero like everyone else. 

So just do something. Anything. 

 Just take a single step towards that life you really want.

That could mean leaving a relationship or friendship that is not serving you. 

That could mean finally buying that plane ticket to that place you’ve always wanted to see.

If what you’re doing now isn’t working, then change what you’re fucking doing.

I wish I had opened my freaking ears and been open to this information 5 years ago. Scratch that, I don’t. I love my life. But, I do wish I had come to understand it sooner.

That I had begun to surround myself with like-minded people sooner. That instead of looking for success outside myself, I had sought it from within.

You are a motherfreaking magical unicorn! You can do anything!

The greatest lesson to take from people who have achieved great things is that, other than a potentially higher IQ, they are exactly the same as you and me.

They started with a dream of building a life that they absolutely loved. Of creating something they are proud of that inspires and serves the world in some big or small way. Of living their dreams because of their work, not in spite of it.

I have spent a year hardcore reading books, listening to podcasts, and participating in coaching programs, and Facebook groups to try and figure out where I fit. 

Do you know what clicked for me today?

I fit wherever the hell I say I do. Everything you will ever need is inside your head/heart. You just need to make space for it.

You need to believe in yourself. Ugh, the worst I know. More than that, you need to back yourself.

I believe in you, truly I do. I believe in you with my whole heart. (Find a PepTalk here, if extra assurance is needed)

I believe that you are capable of every single thing you put your mind to. I believe you are capable of every single dream that you’ve deemed “unrealistic”. 

You just need to take that step, then another, then another. And you need to find support. 

It comes in all shapes and sizes these days. You can find it here, or wherever else you want to connect with me. You can find it online. You can find it through meetups, books, blogs, or articles.

Don’t worry about having it all figured out. You never will.

You just need to trust yourself. You need to trust that you’ll figure it out, or seek the support you need to get there. I promise you, you are meant to achieve your dreams. All of them.

You don’t even need to know what you want right now. Just take the steps to figure it out.

And then just trust that the next step will become clear to you when you get there.

You are a motherfreaking magical unicorn! You can do anything!

Do you think maybe you might want to start a business? Sweet, then start reading some books by entrepreneurs you admire.

Do you think you might want to travel the world? Sweet, then start doing research on where you would go if you did.

Do you just want to feel happier? Sweet, then start taking time to spend with yourself. Read books, journal, meditate, eat cake.


This is one of my biggest pet peeves of all time.

If you are unhappy in your life, you are the only one that can do something about it! So freaking do something about it! 

It will not resolve itself overnight. But, do something. Freaking anything.

Just stop wasting your breath complaining to me about it. WARNING: On the third strike, I will tell you that you’re being a lazy scaredy pants.

Do not get me wrong, as mentioned previously, I’ve been crippled by fear and inaction. I have been a whiney, lazy scaredy pants myself, many times over. But, I’ve made the CHOICE to make the most of my life. 

It doesn’t have to always work out the way you think it’s going to but just make a move, would ya?

IT IS NOT GOING TO FIX ITSELF! I promise you that. You’re going to have to do it.

Unhappy in your job? Either figure out how to get happy in it or start looking for a new one.

Unhappy in your relationship? Either start doing the work to strengthen it or face the fact that it was perhaps not meant to be.

Unhappy with your health? Do something every single day to improve it. Just drink one more glass of water for goodness sake!

When travel wasn’t enough to fulfill me anymore, I went back to school with big dreams of finally figuring out exactly what I wanted to do with my life. 

Did I learn a lot? YES (about something I actually love no less). 

Was I introduced to some cool people? YES. 

Did I gain confidence in a new industry? YES 

Am I working in that industry? NO, not exactly.

But, I am not bummed about it. Quite the opposite. I am freaking PROUD of myself for doing the hard thing and taking steps towards changing my life. Of seeking a happier more fulfilled version of myself.

Did I have to sacrifice in other places in my life? YES. 

Was it worth it? MOTHERFREAKING YES.

Who knows, maybe I’ll come back to doing that thing one day. But all that really matters is that experience got me out of the bubble I felt trapped in and lead me here. Back to myself. And back to creating. 

Truth is, it wasn’t that hard. When you make the choice to make a change you have to understand that that means saying goodbye to some parts that you consider to be a part of your reality now.

You have to want the change more than what you have now.

You have to choose yourself.

You have to choose that you believe that you can have it all. That you can live your dreams, and build your dreams. That you don’t have to sacrifice travelling for a career, and vice versa. You don’t have to sacrifice your relationships or your health.

Just start taking a single step every day. Buy the book, read a chapter, take the actionable steps it lists.

I promise you won’t regret it. Even if it doesn’t work out the way you thought, you will only regret not having done so. 

I feel confident in letting you know, however, that if you commit to your happiness, and to creating the life of your dreams. You can, and you will. 

No one else will do it for you. No one else is going to take your hand.

Only you know you. Only you know what you really want and are capable of (Hint: a fuckton).

You are capable of so freaking much.

So, stop being so hard on yourself about how you have been doing it. That doesn’t matter. It REALLY doesn’t. 

No more shame spirals dude, everything you’ve been through has been a lesson to get you to this very magical point. Flipping embrace who you are now because you are kickass and are going to kick all kinds of ass going forth! 

“For what it’s worth… it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.”


It’s never too late. I sincerely believe that. NEVER TOO LATE.

In case I haven’t made it clear enough yet, you are in charge of your own life. 

In other words, you have the power to derail it as well as get it “back on track”.

Reminder: No whining to me about your unhappiness if you’re not going to follow up with a way that you’re working to either figure out why you’re there or how to change it.

I am in no way saying you have to do this all yourself. Absolutely not. Find someone that will kick your ass back into what matters every day!

It could be as easy as finding a speech on YouTube that inspires you or having a friend that reminds you of what all of this is for or join a group coaching program. Again, BOOKS!

I have a “Get your head out of your ass and back on your goals” YouTube playlist that I take inspiration from DAILY. Sometimes multiple times a day. I have reminders on my phone that go off 4 times a day reminding me to believe in my badassery. 

I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, I’m saying it’s going to be worth it. And exciting. And rewarding. And life-changing. 

For me, growing and learning every day has become a non-negotiable. EVERY DAY. 

Do the scary thing. 

Be brave. Be relentless. Be focused. Believe in yourself. Be the person you want to be.

On behalf of the whole world, be the motherfreaking unicorn that I know you are.

Let’s make one thing clear, it does not need to be about money. It can if you want. But, personal growth, for me, has been the most rewarding part of all this. 

Committing to move every day.

Committing to meditating and journaling every day.

Committing to writing every day.

Committing to backing myself, to believing in myself.

These are the things that have made me, me. 

I’m still growing, I’m still striving. 

But, I am pretty damn proud of today Laffy, and every day Laffy.

She has come a long way. And she is motherfreaking unstoppable. 

You need to connect with who you always were and forget all the other bullshit. What that shitty boyfriend told you and how your friends make you feel, or your job. What your grades say, or your paychecks. 

YOU set the rules for your own life. YOU are in control of how you perceive yourself and how YOU feel about yourself. YOU are responsible for your actions every day. YOU are responsible for what you say to yourself. YOU are responsible for YOU.

I don’t really understand how change could be perceived as such a bad thing to so many, it is such a wonderful thing. For me, it’s synonymous with evolving. Change is simply you and your life evolving into the next level version of itself. Or, it’s the opportunity to learn something new. To see something new. To meet new people. To start fresh. To start again. 

Seeing it that way is entirely your choice. It really is.

You have the POWER to CHOOSE that perception. To embody that perception.

So CHOOSE to become the person you want to be, and committing to her every step along the way.

Remember, it’s your adventure, define it however you’d like.

Want to learn more about creativity, storytelling, and developing a writer’s mindset?

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